It could be worse

When I had the j-pouch surgery, I found comfort in the thought that it could be worse... People with colon cancer and kind of forced into getting the surgery. I'd imagine they were admitted to the hospital and have to have emergency surgery; when they wake up they find out they have no colon, they have this bag that holds their poop and they are stuck.

I always found comfort that it was just a temporary situation and it could only get better.

I had some abdominal pain for about a week. I called the advice nurse who said, because of my recent surgery and the consistent pain, I have to go to the ER. CT scan, X-ray, Gastrografin Enema (number 3!) and they found a leak.

One would think that after your third gastrgrafin, you would get used to it. You know what to expect by the third one. During this exam, I cried the whole time on the table. I found that if you are comfortable during a gastrografin, the tube has slipped out! Because no one should be comfortable during this type of exam.

A week after that invasive exam, I was scheduled for a tube to be placed in my belly to drain the leaking fluid- Try searching that on Google; it is not easy!

up up down down left right left right b a b a

I wish I had the cheat code to life. If I had 99 lives I would totally do everything "wrong" and see if I got different results because taking the safe route hasn't gotten me much.

I always look at the new year as a chance to start a new and forget all the bad stuff that happened the year before. When stuff goes down this early in the year, it makes it super hard to let the last year go.

The running tally of the bad stuff:
Laid off
Denied Unemployment benefits
House broken in/ TV stolen
Lost the baby
ER Visits
Hospital stays
Denied housing assistance
Car hit
*Drain pouch installed!

I really look at the lay off as the snowball that made all this happen. Is that bad? I have not forgiven them yet.

Maybe I'll go back to bed for the year. Hopefully, I'll wake up in a better place.

To be fair, I have a great family, wonderful friends, and an amazing partner for life. But what good is all that when you constantly have things to worry about and no time or energy to enjoy the company?

Happy New year!