Another chance

I need just one more chance at a baby.

We have been trying for a couple months now. My PCP, who met me once, suggested we wait nine months; my OB who knows me from last year is very excited that we are trying again. Last year was devastating. I hope I never lose another baby.

Every month, we get our hopes up. I stop with the coffee and... that's my only "vice" really- if you can call it that! I tell more and more people that we are "trying". I come up with new reasons why this month would be better than last month to get pregnant. I research the due date to see who's birthday the baby would be born around. I become that crazy lady that talks about the cluster of cells in her belly she can't feel but "knows" is there...

Every time I get my period, I feel like I did last year. I feel like we are never going to be parents. All my friends who have been through this tell me that it gets better; that it will happen one day. What if it doesn't?

Nesting

I went to the doctor a few weeks ago for a "physical". I had it set up before the last surgery but postponed it for after- just for peace of mind, I guess.

I told the female doctor about all the surgeries and the miscarriage. She said I should wait a year from surgery to get pregnant. She told me, "Spend some time with your husband; travel; NEST!" Really? Really, lady? You don't know me... "We've been together for nine years; married for three. We've traveled all over this country. We were ready to have a baby LAST year! (insert TEARS)." I spared her the details of the baby's room that we've had planned since we bought the house, and the fact that we've had our baby named since we got engaged...

Needless to say, I argued her down to six to nine months! But in my head it's like three to six... ;)

I need something to occupy my time or I'm never gonna make it THAT long! All I can think of doing is setting up the spare room for easy transition to baby room, crocheting toys for babies, and cleaning the house!

We'll see how long I can wait....