You can have the last cookie

While dealing with my total colectomy, we had some very dark days. Days we felt weak and broken. We always had each other to lean on, although some days it felt more like we were equally propped up against each other and one strong wind could take us both down.

We have made it a long way from hospital stays, ER visits, blood transfusions and medication schedules. Those are all in the past. 

Many people tell me how strong I am but I am nothing without my support system. Most of you reading this have played some part in my recovery from life with colitis. My colon is gone, but there are still trials we learn and overcome every year. I do my best to tell everyone how I am not the strong one- I am a product of the love and support I get from all of you. 

When I was really sick, a sweet friend who is like a sister to both of us, organized a book of love and intentions. She was able to get written notes from a number of loved ones, cheering us on from all around the country. She presented it to us during a benefit show other friends hosted to help pay my medical bills. (Is this real life!? Who has friends like this?) I am extremely lucky to have all this support and love to get me though those darker days.

We could never repay you or thank you enough. In honor of all the love and support we've had over the years, we will be leaving meaningful sayings (including, "you can have the last cookie") that got us through those dark times, during our dirtbag roadtrip. The country could use a little pick me up. We hope to make someone smile. And if we do, please know you played a role in it, too. Thank you, thank you, thank you! 

Summer Sabbatical

We have recently come to the understanding that work is killing me. Not literally, but very much so figuratively. I've lost the excitement for life and I want it back. As with anything, Eli and I made a plan to fix it.

Step One: Take back my health-I've heard of friends having fertility issues for months and then getting pregnant after going Paleo. One friend was losing weight to get pregnant and on her way to fertility treatments found out she was pregnant. Of course, our mutual friend went Paleo after that and got pregnant on her first IVF cycle! I'm in. I gave up refined sugar and carbs such as bread, rice, grains, beans, corn and white potatoes. It wasn't easy at first, but now I'm getting the hang of it.

We aren't trying to stress me out with this diet, so if I mess up or "cheat," we roll with it as long as it is once in awhile. I can't remember when I felt better. Joint pain is gone; I'm able to walk a lot more and do gentle exercises (walk the dog or light yoga). Our food is fresh and the kitchen sink is full of dirty dishes every night. I love cooking; I love eating; it was a no brainer.

Step Two: Quit my job- I knew the news wouldn't be taken lightly but I had to get out, by any means necessary. I was over worked, totally stressed and not happy. Now that I'm treating myself better, I need to be treated better. I broke the news to the boss and we were able to strike a deal. Part time, reduced responsibility, and work mostly from home for a pretty good portion of my regular salary. I'll take it!

Step Three: Summer Sabbatical! We want to get away. We are packing up the old Honda Fit (lovingly referred to as Fitty) and going out west! We'll have about ten days of just me and the hubs and the open road. We'll stop along the way, visit friends, camp, hike, eat, sleep, and of course poop (I can't help it, I don't have a colon!). Thus, our Dirtbag Summer.

Dirtbag trip 2015 over the Grand Canyon

We are bumping up our Dirtbaggedness this year. Last year we booked hotels/B&Bs and flew to Vegas to start the trip. This year, we are driving from Atlanta to Colorado. Living out of the car for so long (as the old folks we have become) requires a little more creature comforts than we used to pack. We are outfitting Fitty to be an amazing little camper! All DYI! We hope you follow our journey into the gorgeous sunset of our Dirtbag Summer!

Building begins here!

Family Heirloom Gardening

I have very fond memories of my dad spending the day with us on little projects around the house when we were growing up. It sounds so suburban-middle class, but that's what we were. I keep those lessons with me everyday. He would paint with us and teach us perspective; we would mow the lawn and he'd tell us about yard maintenance. One day, I remember it was just me and my Poppie. He told me about the California Golden Poppy. It was our state flower and he loved having them all over our yard!

This day, he had cut some of the flowers and was working with them over the dining room table. He had a plate with tiny black dots all over it. He was harvesting the seeds. I don't remember much of the lesson verbatim, but I can still remember the feeling of stretching across the table with my knees in my dinner chair. Stretching to see what he was doing with these tiny, little seeds. I remember him putting a clear glass bowl over the lot of seeds and telling me that they were going to POP! And that would be our next poppy flower.

This memory is why I call him Poppie today and one day my children will do the same. And when they ask why, I will tell them this story.

Fast forward to many, many years later, my cousin Katie starts up her own seed business. She is crafty, money smart and LOVES to garden. Last time we were in Michigan visiting, she had everyone, including our aunt, sitting on the floor over newspaper separating seeds from the dead heads of plants. She explained how she separated them, packaged them, labeled them and sold them at the farmer's market and on-line. She is crazy-imaginative and so meticulous.

In our garden this year, we have new tomato plants next to plants that re-sprouted from last year! We have some of cousin Katie's seeds and some plants we got from the local farmer's market. This year we started off with Bibb lettuce and a red Romain. We ate off the lettuce for a good month or so before it bolted. ARRRG! I tried different tricks to keep it from bolting so early but I just couldn't keep up with the growth. So, I pulled some plants to make way for new vegetables but I left some of the bolted lettuce to see if I could get seeds from them- Like cousin Katie does. ;)

After weeks of this over-grown lettuce, I saw flowers come and go and today noticed little tufts of fluff on the end of the old flowers. After searching the trusty Internet, I found out it was time to harvest the seeds.

I pulled the fluffy heads and collected them in a small dish. I brought them inside and, like my dad, I sat at the dining room table to separate the seeds from the rest of the plant. What a great haul!

I, of course, planted some right away in plastic cups and brought them inside to water and start growing. I labeled the rest of the seeds to plant later in the year or even next spring!

I'll be charting the progress to see how long it takes to germinate and harvest. I can't believe Katie does all this with TONS of plants!!

We'll see how it turns out! I'll keep you posted.

UPDATE: After a week or so of watering, I found only one sprout in my seven cups. I did some more research and it looks like lettuce seeds need a cold snap to become viable. So, I threw my other seeds in the fridge. We'll see what happens. ;)

late stage adolescent angst

Everyone rebels at some point. And of course some rebellions can last longer than others. But at what point does it lose it's momentum and become opposition for opposition's sake?

Growing up, my parents always gave us as much information as they could and let it be known that the decision we make is our decision. My sister does the same with her girls except they call it "You're not the boss of me." To this day, I still ask my parents' opinions when making decisions.

It seems that some make their decisions based on the opposition. They think they know what others would say and they say the opposite. Is this adult angst? It reminds me of what I did when I was an adolescent... At some point it becomes less cute and more hurtful.

Rebellion is supposed to be something you stand for, something in which you believe with all you have. But what you say has lost it's impact on others because of your quick rebut and lack of scrutiny.

I am a fan of devil's advocate. I often give two opposing sides when offering advice because it is meant to inform and not persuade. But when only offering the opposing side all the time as your view, it quickly becomes useless for the opponent.

If you really want to change the world, if you want to save others, may I suggest honey? I hear you catch more flies that way. But if the sour scent of vinegar is all you offer to those you think are damned, I wish to not partake in your offerings.

Signed,
Sister.

Nesting

I went to the doctor a few weeks ago for a "physical". I had it set up before the last surgery but postponed it for after- just for peace of mind, I guess.

I told the female doctor about all the surgeries and the miscarriage. She said I should wait a year from surgery to get pregnant. She told me, "Spend some time with your husband; travel; NEST!" Really? Really, lady? You don't know me... "We've been together for nine years; married for three. We've traveled all over this country. We were ready to have a baby LAST year! (insert TEARS)." I spared her the details of the baby's room that we've had planned since we bought the house, and the fact that we've had our baby named since we got engaged...

Needless to say, I argued her down to six to nine months! But in my head it's like three to six... ;)

I need something to occupy my time or I'm never gonna make it THAT long! All I can think of doing is setting up the spare room for easy transition to baby room, crocheting toys for babies, and cleaning the house!

We'll see how long I can wait....

With friends like these, who needs a colon?

Eli and I found out that some of our friends are playing music and raising money for my medical bills! I am brought to tears when I think too much about it. With everything that has happened the last couple years, I wouldn't trade it for my friends.

My life is pretty good!

Stress and Strain

During the holidays, I assume most people encounter more than the usual stress. Unfortunately, if you add a chronic illness to the mix, it doesn't get easier.

I have read pamphlets about "Taking Care of the Care-Taker" but there is still some difficulty understanding each other at times. I understand that he has to deal with real life (work, bills, hobbies) and when he gets home, he has to deal with a sick wife. That is a lot to take on. Any illness is a lot to take on for all those involved.

But no matter how strong people think the "sick one" is, life almost stops for them. And that can be just as unnerving. Imagine losing the most elementary of functions. Of course the last thing you want to do is create more work for those around you. So often, I feel, we take on more than we can handle. I guess if the care-taker does the same, you both end up stressing yourself out and disconnecting from the other.

I pride myself on my ability to empathize. But once in a while, I think I need to check in on myself.