You can have the last cookie

While dealing with my total colectomy, we had some very dark days. Days we felt weak and broken. We always had each other to lean on, although some days it felt more like we were equally propped up against each other and one strong wind could take us both down.

We have made it a long way from hospital stays, ER visits, blood transfusions and medication schedules. Those are all in the past. 

Many people tell me how strong I am but I am nothing without my support system. Most of you reading this have played some part in my recovery from life with colitis. My colon is gone, but there are still trials we learn and overcome every year. I do my best to tell everyone how I am not the strong one- I am a product of the love and support I get from all of you. 

When I was really sick, a sweet friend who is like a sister to both of us, organized a book of love and intentions. She was able to get written notes from a number of loved ones, cheering us on from all around the country. She presented it to us during a benefit show other friends hosted to help pay my medical bills. (Is this real life!? Who has friends like this?) I am extremely lucky to have all this support and love to get me though those darker days.

We could never repay you or thank you enough. In honor of all the love and support we've had over the years, we will be leaving meaningful sayings (including, "you can have the last cookie") that got us through those dark times, during our dirtbag roadtrip. The country could use a little pick me up. We hope to make someone smile. And if we do, please know you played a role in it, too. Thank you, thank you, thank you! 

The aftermath

Today was my day to get things "in order". I met a new therapist who seems to understand that things were bad before the attack and now things are just a horrible!

Next, Zone 5 precinct to press charges. The investigator seemed helpful and concerned for the most part but was a but surprised when I mentioned the doctor put me on major anti-anxiety medication and I have not returned to work. Hummm...

Then, the phone calls. HR rep called- I need to talk to an adjuster to get my medical costs paid; I can't just see who I want, I need to go where they send me; Unless I've already seen one, in which case I need to give my statement to the adjuster and they may need to contact the doctor... Worker's Comp lawyer- We need to set up an appointment to get the story down and see if we have a case; and next week won't work for him, how 'bout Wednesday? Afternoon? Fine. (I feel like he's a lawyer...)

By 3pm I was ready to be alone and not talk about it. I sent Ophie to the neighbors' and turned on my appletv to catch up on reruns. I tried, at the urging of my doctors, to delay dosing until I can get a feel for how I am doing each day. If I can get through the morning without a crying spell, I'm good. By lunch, even better. Unfortunately, about 3 pm was the tipping point.

Depression began to set in. It quickly turned to panic; sporadic breathing and uncontrollable shaking. The medication is pretty fast acting but it took about 20 minutes for me to calm down.

I called for reinforcements. Emily and Casey came over to snuggle. Casey has turned into a gentle, caring little lady who could make anyone smile. She gently rubbed my back just like my dad used to when I'd stay home from school. She showed me pictures of her trip to Six Flags and was so funny. The medication began to do it's job.

Tomorrow is another day. No plans. Just working on me.

I wonder if my participant will be in the office for her bi-weekly meeting.