I just finished the book Bitter Is The New Black by Jen Lancaster. I heart this book! Anyone who has been laid off after a sense of security given to you by that now former employer, anyone who has an inner B (or not so inner B) inside you, a fashionista, I would imagine a Dot-Commer... would love this book. I would love to be Jen minus all the selfish, sorority, over indulgent and mean parts. She was laid off, started writing to blow off steam and became publish- by a real publishing company. She just finished her fourth book this year!
A good friend let me borrow this book after the surgery. I trust her judgement especially with books- not to mention her part time job at a book store is lovingly referred to as the "Literary Prison". She knows books and she could not have found a better one for me to read right now.
Eli always asks me what I want to be when I grow up. He has all this ambition and all these plans for what he wants to do with his life. Other than being a mom, I never really knew what I wanted to be. I mean, I could be whatever pays the bills. If I did have a family, maybe I would be a teacher just to have summers off. If I needed more education- I would go back to school. I don't live my life at work although I try to learn from every job. I just never commit to anything (other than Eli :). We always talk about me writing more but would people want to read what I write? And more importantly, could I get paid!
I have been active on some medical posting sites over the last 6 months. I see the people who have questions and I find people who have the answers I need. I know I would want to write about the UC and all the problems that came with it and I see people who could possibly be interested in it. The ups and downs are more common than our doctors would let on.
All I need is a clever title, the right marketing and, of course, an editor... What do you think? Could I really turn this blog, along with all my stories, into a real book?
We set up an above-ground pool today. Hot fun in the summer time! Watching my nieces play in the pool while the sun was beating down, I had to join in the fun!!!I put my two piece on and jumped in! The nurse told me swimming would be fine but it works best with a one piece or tankini. I don't have those... And let me tell you, it works just fine with a two piece! :)I didn't get to do laps but we can test that during my trip to Michigan. I'll let you know.
Last night I weighed myself even after eating that great food described below... I lost 4 pounds. I know I don't need to keep track of the pounds because if I'm feeling better, I must be getting better... but still.
We started our garden so long ago- like in April. Yesterday, I was so excited to make our first side dish from the garden. Up until now we've only gotten tomatoes from our garden- which helps a lot because tomatoes are expensive!For dinner we had patty melts with our tomatoes on them and a side of fried cucumbers! And Eli doesn't even like cucumbers! He ate all of his last night. It was so good.Recipe:I just picked the cucumber from the yard, peppered some flour, mixed egg and a little milk together and mixed panko crumbs with season salt and pepper. I cut the cucumbers like fries because it was so long! Dredge the cucumber spears in the flour, the dunk in the egg mixture, then coat with crumbs. Deep fry (I'm sure you could pan fry as well), once they cool down, enjoy with ranch dressing! :)
Friday was my first solo drive since... April, I think! Of course it was to the pharmacy to get some pain pills. I felt good. I planned the whole thing. Driving is no little task for me these days. For starters, I have to put the lap part of my seat belt behind me (is that even safe?) so it won't rub on my stoma. I have to plan all my trips around when I take medication that could knock me out or make me loopy. And of course there is always the fear of not getting a parking spot close to where ever I am going and passing out in the parking lot!I had my water, a breakfast bar, and Ophie (always! She loves drives). I went the back way just like I used to go to work (I know that route best). I pulled up to the pharmacy: ROCK STAR PARKING! Right in front of the door. I adjust the windows for the puppy, grab my purse and lock up the car. I take the four steps to the door and the auto door won't open. Now to me I'm thinking the power went out again (as it has been every week around noonish). I even tried to slide the door open myself. Then I notice the HUGE paper on the door: Kaiser Pharmacy will be closed for Independence day on July 3rd and 4th. Booooo! Of course. Because I had it all planned something had to go wrong! I'm just glad I had enough pills for the weekend. So, I got back in the car and treated myself to a Starbucks and cheese bagel!! It was so worth the trip! :)
I love that every time I post my new weight I get an ad for getting help for an eating disorder! :) hahaha...
I have always had a little social anxiety. Over the last seven years it really got bad- to the point where I found myself in a chair talking to a "doctor" asking about my childhood! I thought it was better but I think I jut learned the right questions to ask to get me prepared for what I would face later on in the day. I've skipped dinners because the restaurant was new to me; I've missed out on parties because I didn't know who was going to be there or the bathroom deets; I passed on trips because I haven't taken those roads before... Now I ask- where is the bathroom, how many people are going to be there that I know/ don't know, and who is driving because it's not me! :)With the bag, it has just opened up Pandora's box! I have to find a whole new set of questions before I decide to go out. And when I do, I am such a freak about what people think that I try to just get it all over with. The second I see someone I know I ask, " Wanna see my bag!" And then I launch into my explanations of all the scars and what the next surgery entails. I can't tell you how many times I've lifted my shirt (just enough to show the bag- don't get excited!) to show off my new hardware just to deflect my true discomfort with it. It isn't easy. It doesn't get better- like they all say. You don't get used to it; you probably just find the right questions or answers to give. "I'm feeling much better..." But I still feel like crap! And on top of that, I have low self esteem and feel self conscious about the ballooning pouch affixed to my belly and the uncontrollable butt leakage, hopefully getting caught by the miniscule pad "safely" secure in my panties, until I move! It always a gamble... "Wanna see my pouch?"I just feel like people aren't looking at me trying to catch a glimps or a sign of what I've been through. This way I can just get it out in the open and forget about it. I guess it is just my new nervous tick.
It is 5:43 in the morning and I have been up all night. I am not sure why. It's been No Good Sleepin' all week :)... I feel like I have restless leg. I know, I sound crazy but look at everything I have had wrong! RLS is not that much of a long shot. I heard people have RLS symptoms because of anemia- which I have (documented by doctors, thank you!). I just want to sleep. I can't sleep on my stomach- my preferred- because of the bag. I tried to prop myself up on pillows and let the bag hang but that was a no go; 1 the bag got heavy and 2 my arm started to fall a sleep tingling. When I sleep on my side the bag slides, and I'm ok with that but then my legs start to tingle. On my left side I have to use a pillow to stop me from rolling over onto my bag... Sheesh! This sucks. I am so tired. I just want to rest my body. Maybe two pain pills will do the trick?It doesn't help that I can't be gently sung to sleep by the hum of the television and laughter perhaps from Conan... who's idea was this whole digital switch anyway? Stupid converter box!WOW! The birds are already awake- and it isn't even our little owl friend in the back! :(I guess I'll surf the net. Good night!
