I can't tell you how many colonoscopies I've had in the last eight years. If there is such a thing as a good colonoscopy, it is when your colon is only an inch long.
I agreed to let the doc take one more look before I pulled out my tube and the quickest way was in the office without any medication. I laid on the table, pants around my ankles, TV screen in front of me. After messing with some equipment, the exam began! For not being sedated, it wasn't THAT bad.... Well, lets just say, I've had worse exams!
He asked if I could hold on while the nurse gets the other doctor. Apparently, this was too good to miss. The door flung open behind me; we waited; door still slightly open. "It is more entertaining when I have something to watch..." So, he continued with the exam and explained everything we could see.
I have seen my colon before- Nasty, red, white, ulcerated colon. Not this time. It was the perfect shade of pink. It looked fantastic. Until I saw the BLACK HOLE!! At the very top of my j pouch was a little black hole. Maybe the size of a pinto bean. Just pulsating and breathing. "That little guys is what is causing all our problems."
When the second doc finally came in they began to discuss... Unfortunately, they can't just clip it. If they did it in the office, the tool they use is the size of a fist! So, we decided to go back into surgery.
March 1st.
Monday, February 22, 2010
The time has come!
I called my doc on Thursday to leave a message. I don't recommend you leaving a message like this unless you have a good relationship with your doctor...
The nurse assistant answered the phone and I politely asked to leave a message for the doc. She recorded my name and phone number and asked, "What's the message?" Without hesitation I said, "Can you just tell him I am going to rip this tube out if he doesn't take it out soon." "Oh my! Are you in a lot of pain?... I am so sorry. I'll let him know."
Of course he called back and acted like he just got a message to call me until he said, "How about, before you rip it out, I take one more look inside and see what our options are?"
I love my doctor!
The nurse assistant answered the phone and I politely asked to leave a message for the doc. She recorded my name and phone number and asked, "What's the message?" Without hesitation I said, "Can you just tell him I am going to rip this tube out if he doesn't take it out soon." "Oh my! Are you in a lot of pain?... I am so sorry. I'll let him know."
Of course he called back and acted like he just got a message to call me until he said, "How about, before you rip it out, I take one more look inside and see what our options are?"
I love my doctor!
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Comes and goes
I had a rough night. Sweats, rolling on the bag at night, soooo many trips to the bathroom... Today, I'm down. I don't get a lot of sleep last night these days, even when I want to. I can't wait to get this thing off me and get some rest!
It is so hard to stay motivated just to do daily things. I don't have a demanding life but it takes so much energy to just do the dishes, or take the car in, or get out of bed.
It is so hard to stay motivated just to do daily things. I don't have a demanding life but it takes so much energy to just do the dishes, or take the car in, or get out of bed.
What happened to good olde fashion Milk?
This morning, as I was preparing my coffee, I opened my refrigerator and was ecstatic to find a brand new, unopened half gallon of 2%. Ahhhhh. The thought of plain milk and coffee percolated feelings of joy in belly! I was even willing to forgo the chocolate mix-in.
We have a roommate who prefers rice milk; Eli bought plain soy. Am I the only left who buys plain milk?
Its the little things...
We have a roommate who prefers rice milk; Eli bought plain soy. Am I the only left who buys plain milk?
Its the little things...
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Testing, one, two, three, four
I just had my fourth exam in this horrible room at the hospital. Three gastrgrafin enemas and a fistula gram. They are pretty much the same exam- they just inject the dye in different ways!
My last gastrografin brought me to tears. The doc promised they would not hurt me too much this time... I was not impressed when I had to walk into the same room as last time for the fistula gram. The fistula gram- indifferent about it. I did love that my surgeon and the technician were both in the room and were chatting it up about my intestine. "Do you think it's at the top? Are you worried if it's at the top?" And Nic knowing I'm listening to everything they say, responds, "Well, I'm not worried about it! I just wonder if it is..." I really didn't walk away with any more knowledge than when they aren't in the room, it was just unusual.
What have we learned from this exam? Not a thing... except that it is way better than the gastrofrafin. Still have the draining bag. No call from the doc yet.
My last gastrografin brought me to tears. The doc promised they would not hurt me too much this time... I was not impressed when I had to walk into the same room as last time for the fistula gram. The fistula gram- indifferent about it. I did love that my surgeon and the technician were both in the room and were chatting it up about my intestine. "Do you think it's at the top? Are you worried if it's at the top?" And Nic knowing I'm listening to everything they say, responds, "Well, I'm not worried about it! I just wonder if it is..." I really didn't walk away with any more knowledge than when they aren't in the room, it was just unusual.
What have we learned from this exam? Not a thing... except that it is way better than the gastrofrafin. Still have the draining bag. No call from the doc yet.
With friends like these, who needs a colon?
Eli and I found out that some of our friends are playing music and raising money for my medical bills! I am brought to tears when I think too much about it. With everything that has happened the last couple years, I wouldn't trade it for my friends.
My life is pretty good!
My life is pretty good!
Sunday, January 24, 2010
It could be worse
When I had the j-pouch surgery, I found comfort in the thought that it could be worse... People with colon cancer and kind of forced into getting the surgery. I'd imagine they were admitted to the hospital and have to have emergency surgery; when they wake up they find out they have no colon, they have this bag that holds their poop and they are stuck.
I always found comfort that it was just a temporary situation and it could only get better.
I had some abdominal pain for about a week. I called the advice nurse who said, because of my recent surgery and the consistent pain, I have to go to the ER. CT scan, X-ray, Gastrografin Enema (number 3!) and they found a leak.
One would think that after your third gastrgrafin, you would get used to it. You know what to expect by the third one. During this exam, I cried the whole time on the table. I found that if you are comfortable during a gastrografin, the tube has slipped out! Because no one should be comfortable during this type of exam.
A week after that invasive exam, I was scheduled for a tube to be placed in my belly to drain the leaking fluid- Try searching that on Google; it is not easy!
I always found comfort that it was just a temporary situation and it could only get better.
I had some abdominal pain for about a week. I called the advice nurse who said, because of my recent surgery and the consistent pain, I have to go to the ER. CT scan, X-ray, Gastrografin Enema (number 3!) and they found a leak.
One would think that after your third gastrgrafin, you would get used to it. You know what to expect by the third one. During this exam, I cried the whole time on the table. I found that if you are comfortable during a gastrografin, the tube has slipped out! Because no one should be comfortable during this type of exam.
A week after that invasive exam, I was scheduled for a tube to be placed in my belly to drain the leaking fluid- Try searching that on Google; it is not easy!
Monday, January 4, 2010
up up down down left right left right b a b a
I wish I had the cheat code to life. If I had 99 lives I would totally do everything "wrong" and see if I got different results because taking the safe route hasn't gotten me much.
I always look at the new year as a chance to start a new and forget all the bad stuff that happened the year before. When stuff goes down this early in the year, it makes it super hard to let the last year go.
The running tally of the bad stuff:
Laid off
Denied Unemployment benefits
House broken in/ TV stolen
Lost the baby
ER Visits
Hospital stays
Denied housing assistance
Car hit
*Drain pouch installed!
I really look at the lay off as the snowball that made all this happen. Is that bad? I have not forgiven them yet.
Maybe I'll go back to bed for the year. Hopefully, I'll wake up in a better place.
To be fair, I have a great family, wonderful friends, and an amazing partner for life. But what good is all that when you constantly have things to worry about and no time or energy to enjoy the company?
Happy New year!
I always look at the new year as a chance to start a new and forget all the bad stuff that happened the year before. When stuff goes down this early in the year, it makes it super hard to let the last year go.
The running tally of the bad stuff:
Laid off
Denied Unemployment benefits
House broken in/ TV stolen
Lost the baby
ER Visits
Hospital stays
Denied housing assistance
Car hit
*Drain pouch installed!
I really look at the lay off as the snowball that made all this happen. Is that bad? I have not forgiven them yet.
Maybe I'll go back to bed for the year. Hopefully, I'll wake up in a better place.
To be fair, I have a great family, wonderful friends, and an amazing partner for life. But what good is all that when you constantly have things to worry about and no time or energy to enjoy the company?
Happy New year!
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